So I just read this article called “Strong Women Should Never Do These Things For a Man.”
That title already irritates me because it presupposes that if Kitten, for example, wants to dress or do her hair a particular way to please me, she is suddenly “not strong.”
But let’s have a look at what this silly article says women shouldn’t do for a man:
1. Change their appearance.
I decide what Kitten wears almost every single morning. And we don’t even live together. I think she’s strong, but according to this crap I’m wrong. Oops.
2. Compromise their passions.
I agree with this on the surface, but I don’t like the suggestion that you’ll never have to compromise or sacrifice a part of your passion at times for the good of the relationship. All relationships require sacrifice, and you are not weak for doing it.
3. Wait for his approval
“You’re grown enough to do what’s best for you,” it says. How cute. Next.
4. Cancel already-set plans.
I’ve made Kitten cancel all sorts of things. Sometimes as a punishment, but most times because she commits to too much and it would be bad for her mental health to go through with it. But sure, me deciding that for her and helping to keep her mind at ease makes her “weak.” Shucks.
5. Let him change who they are.
I suppose I agree with this. I’m not changing her, but instead, helping her to discover who she is and always has been, and she’s doing the same for me.
It’s perplexing to me that a self-appointed “feminist” would write an
article such as this that immediately mislabels a significant amount of
women as “weak.”
To summarize the terrible advice in this article:
You sacrifice something you’re passionate about to make sure your relationship with him is solid and tended to? Not strong!
He has a kink for a particular type of heel or dress or lipstick, so you surprise him and wear it for him? Not strong!
You feel comfortable following his leadership and getting his approval or disapproval before doing something? Not strong!
You allow him to manage your schedule and occasionally cancel plans you’ve set? Not strong!
You allow him to mold you with the end goal of making you as peaceful, comfortable, safe, and happy as possible? Not strong!
I originally meant to write this post as a joke, but when writing that last part I really thought, “My goodness, articles like these really are destructive.” I have met so many lovely young ladies on Tumblr who are mirror images of my Kitten, and an article like this does nothing but make them feel guilty or weak for having these urges.
There’s nothing wrong with you for wanting this. For wanting him to be in control, or wanting him to lead you, or if all you want to do is please him. You are valid and sane and worthy.
One more time:
Your needs are all valid (even *that* one that you aren’t sure about, yes!), and you are not a broken human being for having them.
